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Dear Bossip,

I am a 30-year old woman who is single and decided to try online dating since I’ve been a party girl and single for the last year and a half.

I wanted to try a new approach to meeting guys and now I feel like it was a big mistake. Here is what happened. I met this 37-year old guy online and he must have talked the best game I guess I had ever been exposed to. I was kind of reluctant in the beginning and would just ignore his texts, calls, and instant messages on this site. (Takes deep breath). I finally decided to give in and start responding because he just seemed like he was so into me, and I began to fall for it being that I’m open to being in a relationship. He was older, had a job, car and his own place. Hell, I felt I had hit the jack pot. HA!

Fast forward and we are texting and everything, and then we started sexting. Sending matured and rated R-pictures back and forth and talking a lot of sex talk. At first I felt uncomfortable, but I also felt like we hit it off, so I was like why not. This is where I made a mistake. He invited me to his place and I was cool with that. Of course I wanted to look good, so I had on a lil dress and heels, smelling good because I wanted to make a good impression. What I thought would be just dinner and a few glasses of wine turned into a FULL BLOWN NIGHT OF PASSION. Immediately, the attraction was there and one thing led to another and I didn’t come home that night. I guess what got me is that this man made love to me like we were in love and had been together for years and that is so not the case. SIGH <Flash back>

I went home the next morning and he asked me to come back later that night. Even though I was on cloud 9000, I was reluctant thinking in my head, what if this becomes just about sex, and that’s what I didn’t want, or at least that’s not the impression I was under from the conversations we had. However, after that night he started acting differently – not responding to my texts as fast or my calls. So, I became angry, but trying not to let it show. So, two days went by and I decided to send him an angry text letting him know how I felt. He stated that I was overreacting and that he is doing what he normally does, which I guess now doesn’t include me. So, we go back and forth and he states that I am acting like this since we made love, (his words).  Which I agree. Dude made me a lil crazy. My ex of 4 years didn’t even suck my toes!!!! It has now been 2 weeks since our encounter and I feel bamboozled and can’t let it go. I like this man and want this man, and he has done a 360 on me and I can’t accept it. Please help and take it easy on me. Sincerely – I Am Not A One Night Stand

Dear Ms. I Am Not A One Night Stand,

NEWSFLASH: You are a one night stand!

Trick, trick, trick, trick, trick! Yes, I called you a trick. It ain’t even Halloween yet and you’re already trick and treating.

Chile, you folks wear me so thin trying to act soooo innocent meeting folks online, and then start texting, which leads to sexting, then you do the real thing, and when they don’t call you back and start ignoring you, you want to say how much you really liked the person and you can’t stop thinking about them and you want to be with them. LMBAO! Stop it! Please stop this foolishness. I can’t!

Girl, you don’t want that man. The real deal is that he blew your back out and got you hooked on the d**k and that’s what you really want. Let’s be clear and, please let’s be honest with one another. It’s okay to get some good d**k and want more of it. It’s okay to have a man you can depend on who can make you feel like a woman and have you climbing all over of the bed, shaking, and screaming for me. But, because you don’t want him, yourself, or anyone else to think you’re a hoe or a jump-off you want to have this man commit to you so that you feel good about yourself and that you’re in a relationship with sexual benefits. LMBAO! You ain’t fooling nobody but your dumbass self.

So, Ms. D**k-Whipped, why do you really want to be in a relationship with this man? Now, if the only thing you can come up with relates to sex and his sexual organ, then you don’t want a relationship, you want a booty call. You want a steady bed partner. Come on, admit it to yourself. Be a woman. Be grown and mature and say what you really want. It’s okay. It’s okay to be honest with yourself – hoe. We won’t judge you.

Now, follow me closely, because I know you’re not too bright and this may go over your head. After you had this FULL BLOWN NIGHT OF PASSION, you stayed the night, then went home, and he texted you and asked you to come back again the next night. But, because you didn’t want it to be about sex, you didn’t go back. Then, you say he started acting different. He didn’t respond immediately to your texts. Hmmmm, I wonder why. So, a few days later you send him an angry text. He states that you’re overreacting and that he is doing what he normally does. You go back and forth and he states that you’re acting like this since you made love. Ma’am (Knocks on your thick ass head three times). He has not done a 360 on you. He has been consistent from the beginning. He was clear upfront what he wanted from you. You were the delusional chick who saw and read what you wanted to see and read. You’re the one who got caught up. Chile, that man’s d**k residue has seeped into your blood system.

Moving on, you said in your own words that you were, “Sending matured and rated R-pictures back and forth and talking a lot of sex talk. At first I felt uncomfortable, but I also felt like we hit it off, so I was like why not.” Dumbass. Yes, you dumbass. Uhm, how did you hit it off? Do you see what you wrote? Do you comprehend and understand that you were having a sextual relationship with this man? What part of these conversations was about having a serious commitment to one another? I’ll wait while you re-read the letter and go back over the entire scenario in your small ass head. Why don’t you remove that too tight wig from around your skull. It’s already left a ring around your head.

Now, do you see that neither of you were on the same page? Did you ever ask him if he wanted a relationship, and to define what type of relationship he wanted to have? Did you define what type of relationship you wanted to have?

Instead of hopping your hot ass over to his house in your lil dress, heels and smelling good, why didn’t you meet him in a public place for your first date? I don’t understand why you people think you’ll  have all this restraint when you knowingly dress like a hoe, act like a hoe, and you’re hot and horny, but you go to a man’s house FOR THE FIRST DATE trying to act like you’re Ms. I’m-So-Pure-And-I’m-Not-Here-For-That. Chile, I swear you hoes stay winning, but losing at the same time. You want to be in a relationship with a man you met online, a stranger, someone you don’t know, and the only means of communication the two of you had was via the phone, texts, and sending mature pictures, and you go to his house FOR THE FIRST DATE. What did you expect him to think of you? What do you really think was going to happen, Ms. Hot Twat?

Let me pull your ass off the ledge before I push you off of it. Talking about you can’t accept it, and that dude made you a lil crazy. DAMN! After one night of sex, some good d**k, and some toe sucking and you’re acting like this? I’d hate to see what happens if he sticks you in the butt, do some reverse positions, add some chocolate, whipped cream, or some handcuffs, feathers, and other toys. You’ll be strung out on this man sitting outside his house scratching yourself and rocking back and forth. LOL!

Look, you say you were a party girl, i.e. the good time girl, i.e. hoe, but that you wanted to change and do something different. Yes, you did do something you different. Instead of going to the club, you took your partying ways online and got what you got. If you want change, then you have to change. You have to change your mentality. You have to change the way you do everything. So, focus on cleansing yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Yes, it starts from the inside out. Work on getting your house, which is your temple, in order. Meditate, pray, and let go of the party girl. If you want to meet a good, mature, smart, educated, working and financially stable man, who is committed to being in a monogamous relationship and not just about sex, then you have to be those things yourself. You can’t be having sextual relations with a man, sending matured and rated R-pictures and expecting a different result. That’s pure stupidity. Now, I’m not saying you have to get rid of your hoe-ish ways, because they will come in handy when you do find the man you need and want, but, don’t be a hoe upfront. Girl, tone it down. In your case, tone it waaaaaaay down. And, if you want more with the man, then I hate to tell you but he never wanted a relationship with you, well, not the type of relationship you wanted. He’s looking for some steady booty, and if you don’t want to be a booty call or be a jump-off with this man, unfortunately you’re going to have to step away from the d**k. Slowly release and move back. I know it’s hard to let good d**k go, but trust me, there is more of it out there. – Terrance Dean 

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!