My partner and I have been together for seven months, going on eight.
We’ve known each other for 3 years. My partner usually spends weekends with a friend, and they play tennis together and have known each other for some time. However, my partner told me the other night that a question was asked as for, “How come he and his tennis buddy never dated before?” My partner’s friend told my partner because “they are never single.” I’ve never met the friend before and I do not tend to. I’m 20-years old, and my partner is 26-years old and his friend is at least 40-years old. While I’m in a relationship with my partner should I feel some kind of way about this or should I not look deep into, or should I talk to my partner about it? Or, am I just overreacting? What do you think, please help!
Last, but not least, here’s another issue. My partner has an ex-boyfriend who lives in D.C., and he continuously talks about him, calls him all the time while I’m around, and around one Valentine’s Day we were supposed to go out to eat, but as you know it, he and his ex-boyfriend had a whole conversation with one another. I was upset but let it go after a while. But, the phone calls keep happening. He has the password to my phone, but I don’t have his. I know it’s all over the place, but what do you think and what should I do? It’s been going on for too long. – Is He My Partner
Dear Mr. Is He My Partner,
I don’t like it. I don’t care for it. And, it seems a little too fishy for me. I will say this, your partner has no respect for you, and neither do his friends or ex. They know he is in a relationship, yet, they continue to cross the lines and boundaries which should have been set by your man when you started dating. When folks are in relationships exes do not need to be calling, intruding, or even mentioned. They are the EX! But, I blame him because he is giving them permission and allowing them to feel comfortable in maintaining their relationships without any boundaries. If he is not respecting you, and the relationship, then why should they? YOU BETTER PUT HIS A** IN CHECK!
Chile, you’re definitely a 20-year old without a clue and letting this older man run games and tricks on you. I don’t care how he is putting it down in the bedroom, or those little sweet nothings he’s whispering in your ear, but, err, uhm, Nothing from Nothing is what? NOTHING! It’s time to put a stop to it TODAY! Stop all this accommodating and looking the other way right now!
If you don’t like what is going on in your relationship, then speak up! You don’t have to put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. But, I don’t understand how prior to dating your partner in which you said you’ve known him for three years, yet, you’ve never met his tennis buddy? That seems odd to me. But, that’s just me. And, why would he repeat to you what someone else said about him and his tennis buddy never dating? What was the purpose of that? Is he trying to get a rise out of you? Did he want to see how you would respond? You should have said, “Yeah, how come you two are not dating? And, are y’all freaking and getting it in? Why did you feel the need to repeat that to me? If you want to freak him, then go ahead. But, I’m not going to play this game with you, and ba-by, there is plenty of d**k, a**, and a plethora of fine men in this world to be worried about what one is doing. You got the wrong one.”
Look, you need to sit him down and talk with him and get to the root of why he made that statement. Also, ask him does he, or has he ever slept with his tennis buddy. There is obviously some underlying tension between them, and perhaps some innocent flirting. But, you’re not there to witness the dynamics between them, so how would you know. Take you’re a** up to the tennis court and introduce yourself. If your boyfriend won’t bring you and introduce you, then introduce yourself. Why is he keeping you in the shadows? I understand that you don’t want to meet him, but when you’re in a relationship as long as you two have been then your partner should be introducing you to his family and friends. You are a part of his life. HELLO!!!
And, as far as the ex, uhm, no ma’am! That –ish needs to come to a cease IMMEDIATELY! The ex should know their boundaries and not be calling your man while he’s in another relationship. I don’t care how friendly they are. He should not be in your lane, and calling constantly talking with your man. Especially on Valentine’s Day!! WTF!! You should have snatched that damn phone and let him know (In your Jill Scott voice), “I know you don’t understand. But, you’re going to have to understand he’s my man now. What you had is gone. Our thang is sweet. You need to stop calling him. Show some freaking respect and have some dignity about yourself. Now, we are going to dinner, and then we are going to have a romantic night. Goodbye!” Click!
But, this is all your man’s fault. He is the reason and problem you have insecurities in your relationship. He’s not building any boundaries, or even letting others know that he’s in a relationship. The lack of respect the others have for you is the same lack of respect your man has for you. If he doesn’t respect you, then why should they? You need to talk with him, and share how it makes you feel. Let him know that you’re not comfortable with him talking with his ex. Let him know how you feel about the constant calling, and him having the password to your things, yet, you don’t know his. Express everything and get it out in the open. If you don’t like his answers, or not happy with his responses, and he’s not making any attempts to rectify the situation. HONEY, LEAVE! – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!