I love reading the advice you give! You totally rock man. Ok, here goes…help a sister out!
I hooked up my close girl friend with a guy, let’s call him Mr. X. Mr. X was in to me, but at the time I had a man. He was a nice guy (in that arrogant, intelligent I am the man kinda way). So, he and my friend got together, they lasted about 2 months. He was non-committal, so my friend moved on to his BFF (let’s call him Mr. Y)…SCANDAL!
Anyway, long story short, the guys are no longer close, and my friend has consciously made an effort to distance herself from me too. OK, I get it, Mr. Y and my friend are in love, thinking of getting married, and maybe seeing me or Mr. X is a bad reminder for the new couple. Ok, so I accept the change in the level of friendship with my friend sad but ok, I get it. It’s the classic man trumps friendship kinda stuff.
Fast-track to a year later and after lots of drinking on a night out I wake up in Mr. X’s bed! Aaaaaaaaah. I wanted to DIE for letting liquor open my legs like that! I woke up ashamed and I rambled on to Mr. X the next morning, telling him what a mistake it all was. Needless to say I left his place feeling hung-over, disoriented and soooo guilty! After all, he was now my friend’s ex and all…plus I guess, I kinda knew he has always just wanted to get in my pants.
As you can guess, he has not called since then. I’m not surprised. I think he’s a dog! It’s either he hasn’t called coz he wanted to hit that (and got away with it) to get back at my former friend? Or, he simply was never really interested, and I was stupid enough to let loose on a drunken night out.
So, I feel guilty – should I tell my friend? We aren’t that close anymore and I know she’s happy and all, but I’m sure it would not be nice for her to hear this, if Mr. X tells someone else, especially Mr. Y (they may not be close, but I KNOW men talk more than women ). Or, do I keep it moving and pretend nothing happened. I can just deny it if I hear it from somewhere else (yes, no, maybe? *sigh*).
I’ll be seeing Mr. X again soon. What should I do? Pretend like it was a one night stand, be polite and move on. I think I was kinda into him before the drunken mishap, but he hasn’t called or shown any interest. It’s ok, I guess anyway. I’m newly single so surely there must be something less complicated out there than this on-off denial of attraction thing going on with Mr. X. Clearly he is not that into me, my morning after guilt shouldn’t have put him off, if there was something there, right?
Should I pack this ish up and move on. I’m really looking for a nice stable good guy. A mess like this should be left alone right? I’m dreading seeing Mr. X again! Lawdy lawd, can I just not get slizzard again and do something regrettable !
HELP Terrance! I’m such a hot ass mess about this ménage a trios going on here! Aaaaaaahhhhhh – PS (I’m an avid fan of your advice column!) – Slept With My Friend’s Ex
Dear Ms. Slept With My Friend’s Ex,
All of y’all are nasty as hell! Sleeping with each other, and the exchange of all these bodily fluids being shared with one another, and lawd knows what he did with her, and what you did with him. Ewww! Just nasty and trifling! (My face is scrunched up).
But, on the real, Ms. Honey, I’m confused as to what you’re worried and stressed over. I know one damn thing, you are a true drama queen! After reading your story, I was thinking to myself, what is she rambling about? Why is she making such a big deal out of this? Especially, this alleged ménage a trios you’ve concocted in your head. Uhm, ma’am, you’re not in a ménage a trios. The definition of a ménage a trios is that you are involved in a sexual relationship with two other persons. You are not involved in a sexual relationship with two other persons. HELLO!!!!
Next, you hooked your friend up with Mr. X. It didn’t work out, and it only lasted two months. She went on to sleep with, and get involved in a relationship with his BFF Mr. Y. That is trifling! But, hey, hoes will do what hoes do! Now, they are discussing marriage, and have cut you and Mr. X out of their lives, which means they do not want either of you involved in their relationship. Like you said, you’re bad memories of what was, and they don’t want any reminders of their past.
Now, a year later, and after a drunken night, you end up in your friend’s exes bed, Mr. X. You blame it on the alcohol, but girl, let’s be real, you’ve always been curious about Mr. X, and he definitely was curious about you, and therefore you two did the do and the next morning the guilt kicked in. Please stop blaming the alcohol. You were not that drunk or inebriated. You both knew what you were doing, and tried to blame the alcohol. You ain’t fooling nobody but your damn selves!
He didn’t call the next day, and now you’re feeling some type of way. Because if he would have called and asked you come to back for a second and third romp, trust, you would have! Please don’t play like you’re not interested. It’s only because he’s not interested, and you’re trying to be over it and him. Bwahahaha!
So, you’re going to see Mr. X again soon and you’re wondering what to do, and how to handle the situation. Just be cordial and keep it moving. You don’t owe him anything, and he doesn’t owe you anything. It happened and now it’s over. Move on! UGH! It’s not that difficult. Be a grown woman and don’t let this shake or move you. I swear some of y’all can’t handle the consequences you put yourselves in, and then start freaking out and acting like these big drama queens over nothing!
And, HELL NO! Do not tell your friend. She obviously doesn’t want you involved in her life, and therefore what good would it do if you called her up and told her? She hasn’t spoken to you, or reached out to you in over a year, therefore you weren’t that close of friends as you thought you were anyway. If she can drop you for her new man, well, her exes BFF, then why would you want to be friends with her, and be concerned if she’s moved on? She is trifling for dating her exes BFF. So, technically, she only did to her ex what you did to her. You slept with her ex, so why would she be mad? Why would she be upset? And, if you’re not speaking, then why tell her? Girl, stop being melodramatic over these shenanigans. Telling her is not going to solve or prove anything. If they are in love and discussing marriage, then why disrupt that? Oh, I forgot, you like drama! You’d love to be in the middle of this dramatic climax and watch the fall out from all of this. I can’t with you!
Here’s what I really think and feel: You want Mr. X! You want to hook up with Mr. X again, but because he hasn’t called you to do so, you’re trying to act as if you’re not interested either. You want his attention, and to get his attention you’ve created this melodramatic situation in your head of feeling guilty about sleeping with your ex-best friend’s ex. And, you want to tell her and this will bring up the situation which both you and he are avoiding discussing. But, lo and behold, you will be seeing him soon, and now you’re wondering how to handle the situation because heavens forbid you get drunk again and end up in his bed again! LOL! You’re a joke and character.
You say that he is a dog, he is a womanizer, and he is so arrogant, but, yet it actually turns you on. Yeah, don’t play coy with me. We all know the bad boy is intriguing to most women. His arrogance, and over-competence of knowing he has it going on may appear as a turn off, but it actually turns you on. And, when you had the opportunity to bed him, i.e., blame it on the alcohol for opening your legs. Uhm, no sweetheart, you opened your legs, not the alcohol. Besides, you told on yourself in your letter when you wrote, “I think I was kinda into him before the drunken mishap, but he hasn’t called or shown any interest. It’s ok, I guess anyway.” So, please grow up and admit that you want him and desire him. Grow up and be woman enough to tell him the truth and be willing to hear the truth of what he says after you reveal to him that you want him. Or, you don’t say anything, keep your mouth shut, and neither of you ever discuss it again. But, whatever you do don’t tell your ex-friend. It will neither solve or prove anything. She’s happy, and in love. Don’t destroy her happiness because you want Mr. X’s attention. And, since you really want Mr. X, then for once be honest with yourself and tell him the truth, and stop acting like a drama queen. Ugh! Who knows, he may want you as much as you want him. – Terrance Dean
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